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Did you ever get into some trouble while visiting the bars? Check out the Top Ten Things Never to Say to An Amherst Bartender or Doorman >>
Barsie's Friends |
PUSH OUT THE JIVE...BRING INTHE LOVE
Sent in by Mike on Saturday April 05th, 2008 10:45 PM I had spent many a night in the stenchpit known as Barsies as I had a college roomate in their empoly. I had some great times with the employees and we frequently had semi-after-hours at our Cowles road hell home. These glory days of Barsies also coencided with the glory days of The Simpons and the phrase, "push out the Jive and bring in THE LOVE" first uttered by Charles Montgomery Burns was repeated by me any time I need a supercharged Dr. J. from Gus. Oh....the good times, the strong drinks, the half coherrent comraderie. Lets fastforward to 1999. My friends and I all gathered for a New Year's festival at UMass. The good old days one more time before we settled down to our lives of quiet desperation. Things were going smoothly, we were drunk, the night was young, and Gus was firing the Dr.J's like the good old days. Nothing could go wrong with this night. Well.....One of us wound up with a bit of the Irish Flu and proceeded to zoook all over the men's room/piss-closet/hump-hole, probably sterilizing the situation a bit. "No Worries" said Gus in the parlance of the next century, "Just gets to Moppin'." The former Barsie Employee, otherwised named "The Sarge" sprung into action and the bathroom sparkled like the good old days (minus the sytematic sorority fellatio). Annnd...after a bit of a lull, a couple female weebles waddled their sorry selves in. One of our lady friends that couldn't resist that special shadow that some special women get when the light hits the right and decided to grab herself a handful of 8+ rump. Of course we all got a chuckle and me being the closest was immediately accused by this young Gloria Alred of cheek fondling. I laughed at her. Why would I take my hand off of my Dr.J. to grab the rump of someone who I don't even know. Well, there are a lot of reasons but none of them hit me and like they say on death row, "I didn't do it!" Our group rump grabber even admitted that it was her psuedo-claw that would be leaving the welt and not one of the Y-chromosomed stallions she was dreaming out. Unfortunately.....this girl may or may not have been banging Gus at the time. And if there is one rule in Barsies, its that whatever the most senior member of the staff says is the law. Doubt me, go in there when Tappy is spitting his quantum mechanical kamizazie theories. Many a physics 101 bounce wound up fired for the challenge. Here is another rule of Barsies....Vagina always wins. Although we begged Gus to "Bring in THE LOVE," he was forced to "Kick out the BROS." It hurt, but we weren't suprised. We were adults now and knew how things worked in the real world. We just never thought that the real world would get its hands on Barsies. I guess its good that its gone now, I just wish I went there one less time so I could forever remember it the way it was in its glory days. Before everyone became adults.
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